Book – Stop Saying You’re Fine – Discover More Powerful You (Review)
Author – Mel Robbins
Genre – Self- help Book
Published in – 2011
Picked up another book by Mel Robbins after The 5 Second Rule and found it full of insights and book delivers what it claims. To shrink the gap between the life we want and the life we lead by not only showing the mirror but also providing a guide to make amends.
Loved the way she described facebook – Facebook is nothing but heavily packaged “Kodak moments” that bear no relation to how people really live.
“I can’t choose how I feel however, I can always choose how I act.” And Choice to Act is what the book is all about.
About the Author –
Mel Robbins is a Television host, Motivational speaker, and Author. She is known for her book The 5-Second Rule, Her TEDx Talk “How to stop screwing yourself over” has got 20 Million plus views on YouTube.
She is inspiring people all over the world with her books, speaking engagements, across most social media platforms.
About the Book –
Mel claims that we are bombarded with images and stories across on TV, the Internet that sometimes makes us feel everyone but me seems to live a life of their dream.
Even if, most of what we see on social media may not be fully accurate, it makes us feel like we too can do better lead a better life and accomplish more.
We are constantly operating from one of two forces inside us. Powerful us v/s Resistance us. And at every moment we decide who will lead our action. The choice is always in front of us: Turn on the powerful you and move forward, or give in to resistance and stay where we are.
Few Points that Jumped Out of the Book –
1) Feeling Stuck –
when we feel stuck our thoughts become cloudy and we think of all things we missed by making decisions that we made, be it changing jobs, taking up business, changing industry, marriage instead of looking at what has changed for good for the things we said yes to.
2) Now v/s later Bias –
Part of our brain wants everything now (unconscious which operates on survival mode), whereas another part of the brain has ideas and opportunities to explore which will disturb the current order of life.
3) Chicken or Jerk Metaphor–
We are either scared from trying something for mostly false self-created reasons or angry for not taking action on time. Meaning either anxious about future uncertainty (Being chicken) or regret over past missed opportunities or wasted time (Being Jerk).
4) Focalism –
Whenever we think of changing anything and repercussion of it, we are great at imagining all the bad things to the extreme and don’t focus on the good that can come with the bad.
Few Points and Tactics to Consider for Changing One Thing At A Time
1) Auditing Current Space –
Putting down to paper where you are, helps in coming out of situation faster what authors call auditing of life situation and explains it with Google Map example. We always have to put our existing location to know how long it will take to reach our destination.
- Choices – are as much liberating (Sign of freedom) as much it has become pain. Too much of choices is as confusing as having no choice. We always think about what we haven’t chosen. Choice overload kills decision-making.
- Uncertainty – Mind’s prefer always safety over growth. It will expand little risk in to major catastrophe and convince us to stay in line with routine. However, technique shared in the books is simple and with consistent application of it we can beat our mind to its own game.
- Routine – Having routine for some activities can be of great benefit and free up the mind for creative work, however if we feel stuck in routine and is not getting what we want, then its clear sign we are using routine as escape to change.
3) Focus Matters –
You miss an enormous number of opportunities to change your life on a daily basis because you are not focused on what you want. You are focused on your problems and maintaining the illusion that you are fine, which Author also called Obstacle thinking. We convince ourselves and others on how we can’t get what we want.
4) Outcome Simulation – Process simulation –
The author encourages us not only to jot down and visualize outcomes in as specific details as possible but also visualize being in the process like our routines, people we will hang out with, work, office space, working on deals, negotiating with different people for work, etc.
5) Few Key Points on Change –
- Changing one thing at a time, making small amend at a time has much higher chances of sticking with change than trying to turn life 180 degree same time, and fall back hard soon to old you.
- Change is evolution and a marathon consisting many sprints in it. One thing at a time. As the proverb goes “slow and steady wins the race.”
- Changing all or not at all is one biggest excuse we used to stop from changing. Like exercise. We think of joining gym then comes the picture, traveling time, post workout shower, workout may take an hour or two, so we avoid exercise for not having two hours. Instead, we can do some simple 15 minutes exercise at home to begin with.
6) Activation Energy –
Activation energy is the initial push we require to take the first step. That’s why the author suggests acting in less than 5 seconds (The 5 Seconds Rule) as our mind is very quick on killing any ideas, which requires us to move out of our comfort zone.
I have also created a video of a few quotes from the book – Hope you like it. Please subscribe to my YouTube channel – Myread4change
Stop saying your fine is not only filled with powerful suggestions to improve backed by facts and research but also gives bite-size action plan anyone can take and turn around life, one thing at a time, for she believes “Changing your life is a race of distance, not speed.”
So stop saying you’re fine to others and more importantly to yourself.
was launched in End of 2018 and yet you can sign up for this course and finish in 35 straight days. With 10 to 20 minutes a day.
Best Decade Ever was launched in January 2020 and it’s the best way to look up to a larger vision, think, and plan the next 10 years. Again this course can also be taken anytime and be finished in 4 weeks by watching short videos and completing the suggested exercises.
Hope this helped you in some ways. Please share your thoughts in the comment below.
Wishing you great success…