Book –Win Your Inner Battles
Author – Darius Foroux
Genre – Self-Help
Published in –2016
One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.– Abraham Maslow
How we talk with others matters, though what matters more is our internal dialogue. Beliefs we have believed, limits we have set for ourselves of what we can and can’t be, do, and have.
About the Book –
Darius claims that it’s the fear of all kinds that restricts us to become who we can be, and push us to play small to fit in, while secretly or openly keep talking about how we want our life to be.
The book is divided into three little books namely Inner warfare, Control, and Purpose. Each contains a few small chapters with ideas to conquer an enemy within. Many of them may serve as reminders of what we already know, yet don’t apply.
Darius takes us on his life journey on how he won his inner battles, which he calls fear and lack of confidence.
Here are excerpts from each part –
Part I – Inner Warfare
Fear once served as a mechanism that protected us. Nowadays, fear has turned into our enemy and it rips us with our freedom. Every type of fear we experience in our daily lives is based on one thought: “I cannot handle it”.
1) Know Your Enemy –
- Darius claims unless we know what we are up against, we will never be able to prepare and defeat our enemies. Best way to do that is to know ourselves.
- Best way to self-awareness are questions we ask ourselves, aka our self-talk. You may consider 21 questions Darius offers in the book. Here are few of them.
- What am I good at, what am I bad at, What is the most important thing in my life, What stresses me out, What’s my definition of success, What do I think about myself?
2) Decide –
- Fear once served as a mechanism that protected us. Nowadays, fear has turned into our enemy and it rips us of our freedom.
- People who achieved their goals, decided that they can. Life is about decisions and giving into fear is also decision. Choose courage over fear.
3) What Are You Afraid of? –
- Eventhough we aren’t in physical danger like hunter, gatherer days, we now give into different kinds fear. Making a list of our fears is great ways to put them under scanner.
- Darius suggests many fears. See i you resonate with any – Rejection, Failure, Change, Accidents, Losing your job, Aging, Being Alone. Write your own list.
4) Analyze and Improve –
- There are many factors in life that we cannot control. Think about the weather, traffic, economy, terrorist attacks, accidents, death, etcetera. Yet, we do end up complaining and worrying about them.
- There is wonderful question you may ask, when feeling stuck in any situation. “What lies within my control?” This will disrupt the worry train and bring you back to sanity.
5) Commit to Improve –
- Commitment only requires us to say, I can do this. This statement empowers us to act. Without commitment, there is no consistent action.
- Remember this: Inconsistency is the enemy of results. Aim for daily progress, consistent daily progress, even if it is 0.01%. By the end of the year, it will amount to big results.
Part II Control
Without action, there is no outcome. The best cure for fear is action. Always act with courage and dominate the enemy within. Taking control means we take matters into our hands with full responsibility.
1) Build Confidence with Competence –
- Darius claims that lack of self confidence is alway behind lack of action. And the best way to build confidence is working on competence.
- The better you are equipped to do something, more confident you feel. Hence, make sure you keep learning and improving at all times.
2) Start Small – (Best Book to refer to – The One Thing)
- This may sound counter intuitive to chasing big goals, however it is proven that when we set big goals we feel more overwhelm than inspired once the initial spark is gone.
- You need to be in the game long enough to win. That’s where start small fits in. focus on small task, small win, small goals, as it becomes manageable, keep adding next steps and goals.
3) There are No Wrong Decisions –
- When we adopt a mindset of “there are no wrong decisions,” we do not fear making bad decisions. Every decision we make leads us to opportunities to learn and grow.
- Regardless of the path we take, we have to enjoy the experience and not fear that we made the wrong decision. That will cause us unnecessary stress and anxiety.
4) Say No More Often –
- Why do we say yes more than we should? We are afraid to say no, to let people down and ultimately, to avoid confrontation. The stress of saying no often makes us say yes automatically.
- You may consider reading the book “The Art of Saying No”, if you struggle to say no.
5) Comparing Ourselves to Others –
- This may sound cliche, yet we keep doing at all times, we keep comparing our work, possessions, lives with others and remain stuck in vicious circle.
- The only benefits of comparison is if you are doing it to learn from someone or for seeking inspiration.
Part III Purpose
This again may sound very preachy, yet it is important to have a purpose in life. It doesn’t mean we need to have our entire life cut out for us, it means we have something to work towards, that gives us a sense of joy and meaning.
1) In Search Of Meaning –
- If the single reason you are doing something is because someone else is doing it, it is time to rethink your life.
- The stress you experience when something bad happens is self-created inner resistance to external factors that we cannot change.
2) Stop Feeding Your Ego –
- Most people are not aware of their ego, which makes it difficult to control their happiness. What is more important in your relationship: winning arguments or true love and connection?
- You may consider this question, when your ego pops up – Is this necessary? Next time when you are getting into an argument, stop and ask yourself whether you or your ego is having the argument.
3) Set Goals –
- The most important thing about setting goals is that it’s not about achieving the goal. It’s about the process that leads you to the goal.
- it’s not about achieving the goal. It’s about how the goal changes your daily life. Striving for goals forces you to form new habits. And that’s priceless.
4) How to Make Sure We Achieve Goals –
- Goals without action is bound to fail, and it is not good feeling, you know if you have experienced that feeling. While many don’t set goals to avoid disappointment, Darius suggests alternative here.
- Darius suggests to back up goals with systems. A system is nothing more than a recurring process. Create a daily recurring process that will bring you to your goals.
I have also created a video of a few quotes from the book. Please do subscribe to YouTube channel self-help books quotes- Myread4change
As you finish reading How to win your inner battles, it will leave you with ideas to explore and eradicate inner fear and show up with more confidence. I highly recommend the book. It will be worth your time and will direct you towards a better life.
Hope this book summary helped you in some ways.
Thank you for reading. Wish you a fearless life.